


Classmates

by Nisushi



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Doukyuusei AU, From friends to lovers, Highschool AU, M/M, Not a slow burn because why would I, Romance, lots of fluff, no ghouls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-11-29 15:31:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisushi/pseuds/Nisushi
Summary: ‘’Hey, Kaneki.’’He startled the boy with the sudden sound. Hide found his lunchbox and took it. ‘’The pause in the beginning is different from how you’re doing it.’’ Hide turned around and met with Kaneki’s confused expression. ‘’…Huh?’’ Kaneki looked at the sheets, looking as if someone had told him that he had been living his life in the wrong way. Hide smiled. He didn’t mind helping this kid out.





	1. Summer

It was warm that day. Summer had just begun and had brought humid and breezeless days with her. Hide remembered that even hanging out of the window wouldn’t make any difference with the sweaty classroom. Sometimes he were lucky, and a tiny wind would brush over his face. It made the clammy feeling a little easier to deal with.

The classroom was filled with sulks and grouching back then. It was a few weeks before the choir festival that the school organized every year. This time it was Hide’s class’ turn to set up a performance. It was a pain, but not because he didn’t enjoy singing. Hide didn’t mind, only if he didn’t have to sing alone. The other boys were the pain. They found it useless, so the motivation was missing. Hide could understand it. No one was waiting for notes that had to be sung when the weather was weighing them down?

‘’Hey, listen up!’’

Ah, even the teacher let everyone know he wasn’t jumping from excitement, his voice suggesting how done he was with trying to teach a class that had no interest at all. It was tiresome, both of his classmates and his teacher. Hide just wanted to go home and have some ice-cream.

‘’There are male and female parts in this song, alto and soprano…’’

‘’Ha, I wanna practice with girls.’’

‘’Keep on dreaming.’’

‘’…Shut it for one second, will you? Then we split up into sopranos, altos, and tenors in the second half, understood?.’’

Their teacher, Manabu Hara, went to sit by the piano in front of the class, beckoning everyone to stand up while he walked over there. Hide stood together with all the other tenors, next to the altos. If they all did their best for one time, maybe their teacher would let them leave earlier. Hide knew that was not going to happen, but it was a nice thought to give himself a push in the back to give it his best.

‘’Everybody give it a whirl and make me cry.’’

‘’ Harasen crying? Gross.’’

The music began when the teacher touched the keys. It sounded a bit staccato to Hide. _What a waste of such a pretty melody_. In front of them, there was a score written on the blackboard. Some weeks ago they all got a printout to study, but it was clear by how there was no sound it that no one had really touched the sheets.

‘’Do as I do, read the notes on the blackboard and give it your best shot!’’

‘’ _In your upturned eyes…_ ’’

It still sounded like nothing, but at least there was a sound. For Hide, it was easy to keep up. For most of his classmates, there was some effort needed to read off the notes, but they were doing it. That didn’t apply to everyone. Hide looked to his right where the sopranos were situated. Next to him stood Kaneki Ken, moving his mouth, but no sound coming out.

_Oh, he’s not singing._

_____________

Finally after the last class being dismissed, Hide followed the stream of students that walked out of the stuffy classroom. Hide had spent his last hours asleep on his desk to get those rest hours back that he had wasted that night. He still had to thank Nishiki for helping him with a project Hide had started on way to late. He would probably treat him on some food after school.

‘’Be there around six tonight, okay? We’re gonna do some tuning.’’

Maybe Hide had to empty his locker once in a while. It was overloaded with papers that didn’t even matter anymore. He took out his shoes and changed them with the ones he wore. He sighed. He had forgotten his lunchbox in the classroom and had to get it. If he left it over the weekend, the box would have weird kinds of mould inside. Hide didn’t want to experience that again. 

‘’Hm, did Aya-chan fix up his snares?’’ Nishiki leaned against the lockers, waiting for Hide to finish so they could enjoy the sunny weather.

‘’Well, Ayato being Ayato, fixed the problem with tape.’’ A groan came from Hide while he closed his locker. They would be busy the whole night putting that guitar out of its misery.

‘’You want to take a lift?’’ Nishiki wanted to go, that was obvious. ‘’You can go ahead. Forgot something in class.’’ When Hide worked his way through the crowd, he heard Nishiki yelling him a goodbye over the crowd’s noises. He sped up when he walked through the empty hallways.

Days where forgotten lunchboxes were his biggest problems were the best to Hide. Not everyone was gifted with carefree days, always having to stress over at least something. Maybe it was good to care. Maybe Hide had to care more, but what good would it bring with it? Better marks? Less adults scolding him? Hide liked the way he swung through his life. Caring too much would make him stop acting like an idiot and think twice. Hide didn’t have time for that.

Hide’s thoughts went to previous class. That boy, Kaneki Ken, probably cared too much. He had thought twice and decided to not sing. Hide was curious why. Kaneki was well known in his year for his brilliance, but for the rest he didn’t stand out. He almost never talked, making himself as small as possible. His looks were average and dull. No one batted their eyes more than once to him.

To Hide, Kaneki didn’t seem like a guy who wouldn’t sing because he thought it was stupid. _Maybe he can’t sing_? Hide thought it was logical reasoning that Kaneki was too scared to let out his voice if he wasn’t confident with it.

‘’Lunchbox, lunchbox… where are you?’’ He climbed the stairs and walked to his classroom. Hide wanted to be home as soon as possible, practically running towards the door that was still open, but then suddenly he stopped. There was someone inside, singing softly. It was the song his class was going to perform at the choir festival. Hide figured that much, even if the rhythm and melody was messed up. This someone had a lot of difficulty with the song.

Then he saw him. Hide stood still in the opening of the door, staring at the boy who first couldn’t find himself to sing but now sang quietly. Kaneki was sitting on his desk and looking at his music sheet, going through the lyrics in one slur. Even though they just rehearsed on that part, Kaneki seemed to have forgotten everything completely. Yet, Hide couldn’t stop himself from listening. His voice wasn’t particularly good, but it was soothing in a way. It made Hide forget about the summer heat.

Unfortunately, Kaneki noticed him and abruptly stopped with singing. The relaxed atmosphere made place for an awkward one. Hide felt like he was busted on peeping. What would Kaneki think of him?

They kept staring at each other. The urge to interrupt this uncomfortable silence between the two was pushing Hide to say something. Only was there the problem that Hide seemed to have lost his voice. He didn’t even remember why he came here. He wanted to kick himself for thinking something cliché like ‘I’m blaming his eyes for losing my tongue’. That thought definitely came to his mind. Hide cringed from himself.

Kaneki helped him out of his trance by breaking the silence. ‘’Na-Nagachika-san…’’. Hide then remembered his lunchbox that he had to safe from the mould. He pushed himself to walk to his desk so he could escape from this. ‘’Uh, I left something.’’ Hide took a glance at Kaneki, but he seemed to have lost interest, only focusing on the sheets in his hands.

 _Self-study, is it_? Hide rummaged through shelf under his desk to find what he was looking for. He should empty it once in a while. The thing was overloaded with papers that didn’t even matter anymore. Hide scolded his lazy self for making tasks like finding his lunchbox difficult.

He chuckled to himself. It was unfair that, even if Kaneki was trying so hard, his practice didn’t bring any improvement. It wouldn’t be a problem to just…

‘’Hey, Kaneki.’’

He startled the boy with the sudden sound. Hide found his lunchbox and took it. ‘’The pause in the beginning is different from how you’re doing it.’’ Hide turned around and met with Kaneki’s confused expression. ‘’…Huh?’’ Kaneki looked at the sheets, looking as if someone had told him that he had been living his life in the wrong way. Hide smiled. He didn’t mind helping this kid out.

‘’ _The budding new~ leaves_ , that’s not how it goes. It is _the budding… new leaves_.’’ Hide gestured at the sheets, pointing out the rest. Kaneki thought about it and looked up. ‘’Like _the budding… new.. leaves_ …?’’ He seemed a bit flustered after messing up, but Hide pretended not to notice.

‘’See? Here is a rest, so it goes like _the budding_ pause _new leaves_.’’ Kaneki repeated after him, nodding when there was a rest. ‘’Yup, exactly.’’ This time, Kaneki showed a little blush when he got complimented. Hide thought it was cute to say the least.

‘’ _Someday I’ll go with you… when we’re older…_ ’’

He lost himself in the moment. Kaneki’s gaze felt warm on his face. It didn’t feel uncomfortable. This was how it felt to be adored. So Hide continued, enjoying the feeling that Kaneki gave him. Maybe this was even better than the ice-cream he had promised himself.

‘’You… Nagachika-san, we haven’t actually gotten to that part.’’ Kaneki was right. Hide got carried away and sung almost half of the song. He had never thought that he would enjoy this song. Hide felt himself smiling again.

‘’How…’’

‘’Well, if you look at the score, then it’s easy right?’’ Hide turned to Kaneki, the boy looking at him like Hide had shown him magic. Kaneki tried to figure him out, and it went silent for a while. This time it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

‘’Oh yeah, you’re in a band… right?’’ The group of four idiots is what Hide called a band, so yeah, going by facts he was actually in a band. Hide hummed and leaned on the desk. Kaneki mumbled something that Hide couldn’t catch.

‘’What did you say?’’

‘’Thank you, for teaching me.’’ Kaneki wasn’t a smooth guy, having trouble with the smallest words. Hide wanted to know what was holding him back the whole time. He obviously had difficulty with the song, that’s why he wouldn’t sing. Right?

‘’In class you weren’t singing. Why?’’

Kaneki gasped and again had to think of an answer. He chuckled like he was apologizing, touching his chin with his hand. ‘’My eyesight isn’t that great. I can’t read the notes on the board.’’ That was a lie, but Hide let it be.

‘’Why don’t you ask for a place closer to the front?’’

‘’I… it’s fine. I don’t want to bother anyone.’’ Hide doubted that anyone would be bothered by that. It fit him, Kaneki. The constant aura that he gave away and the fact that he didn’t want to be a burden fit Kaneki. It was not needed, but that was what made Kaneki. The outstanding yet invisible boy was what Kaneki was.

‘’Do you wanna… meet up again?’’

Hide realised how weird it sounded after he had said it. This time it was his turn to get flustered. He only wanted to help the boy getting to know that it was okay to ask for help sometimes. So much for not being the awkward one.

‘’I mean, to meet up to practice! ‘Till the festival… or something?’’

On that moment, Kaneki’s face screamed ‘What?!’.

_____________

His bed felt so good after such a long day. When Hide got home, he had taken off his shoes, greeted his parents, gone to his room, thrown down his bag, and flopped down his bed. The session had ended much later than expected, because Ayato had taken up their time with his guitar. That guy promised to pay for take-out next time to make up.

Hide thought back at how hot it was today, internally praying for the weather to have some mercy on him for the next days. He remembered that he never treated himself on ice-cream. He asked himself how he could forget that, but answered immediately afterwards. The boy that was singing softly had cooled his head off.

Hide could still bring up Kaneki’s face after he had asked to meet up again, taking his pillow to muffle his laugh. The boy hadn’t known what overcame him, answering with a small voice. ‘’ _uh, sure._ ’’

‘’Uh, sure,’’ Hide repeated the words. It was maybe two times in his lifetime that he found a boy cute, that being his little cousin and Kaneki. Hide didn’t think too much of it. Kaneki had shied away soon after that, and Hide could understand that. He would be pretty scared too if someone came to him to offer something like that.

Also, Kaneki knew already that he was in a band. Together with Hide’s bleached hair, he must have been uncomfortable with his presence from the start. He must have thought that he was part of some delinquent band that sang songs about kicking little children and giving police the finger. Hide felt slightly guilty that he had approached the boy so suddenly, but he couldn’t help himself but to smile.

‘’You could have rejected me, you know?’’

_____________

‘’Oh, that note, it’s different.’’

Hide pointed out the note on the sheet that was lying between them. ‘’See? There’s a neutral here, so you go back to the normal Mi.’’ It was nice outside. The cool breeze made the weather a little less suffocating, the shadows from the trees they were sitting under made it better too. Hide felt sorry for the boys that were doing laps on the field they were sitting next too.

This was the third time they came here to practice. Kaneki always brought cold bottles of water with him, which was a bliss. The two would stay after school and practice until late. Kaneki didn’t want to admit it, always asking if he wasn’t a burden, but he was really into it. Hide told him a couple of times that it was no big deal. He got his energy from Kaneki’s hard work and enthusiasm, so he was happy to help.

‘’Mi…? But, Mi is there, right?’’ Kaneki touched the lowest line. Hide sipped his water. He was getting an idea that he was right with Kaneki lying when he said he couldn’t read the score on the blackboard. ‘’That’s right, but this is not a g-clef.’’

Kaneki looked puzzled at the score, not able to reproduce the information he just got. They hadn’t gotten far these three days, even when they practiced hard. Hide knew that Kaneki wouldn’t get his moment of enlightenment if they went on like this.

‘’Kaneki, you could see the blackboard just fine, right?’’ The boy looked up from the score, as if he was caught doing something bad. ‘’Is it maybe that you can’t read music?’’

Maybe he had gone a bit overboard with him, but this was for his own good. Kaneki looked terrified, or maybe ashamed. Hide wasn’t so sure, but he gave Kaneki an assuring look to calm him down.

‘’Don’t worry. We’ll stop with the score for now.’’ Hide took the sheets from Kaneki’s hands and put them in his bag. ‘’Just do as I do, and sing after me.’’

After that, they made a lot of progress.

_____________

‘’You’re a tenor right, Nagachika-san?’’

A week had passed since the incident in the classroom. It was already dark outside. Hide should be with his friends from the band right now. He would have to pay today’s dinner too. They were eating up his money.

‘’Yup, but I also do the alto part. Also, you can call me Hide already.’’ He had told that several times, but Kaneki didn’t seem to get the hang of it. Every time he would apologize for forgetting it.

‘’Ah, sorry Na-Hide…san.’’ Kaneki tried to find something to focus on so he didn’t have to look at Hide. Kaneki had some difficulty with letting down the formal stuff, but Hide didn’t mind. It was another thing that made him Kaneki. Also, it was fun to tease the boy with the little flaws.

‘’You can drop the -san.’’ He surely wouldn’t, but baby steps were key. It didn’t even matter, so Hide shouldn’t put lots of effort into training Kaneki to just say ‘Hide’. There was only one week left until the festival. They wouldn’t have to do anything with each other after that, so Hide was wasting time with getting close to Kaneki.

‘’H-hide, then.’’ Hide nodded. ‘’Isn’t it hard for you to teach me the alto part when you’re a tenor?’’ The blonde took Kaneki’s shoulders and breathed in slowly. ‘’How many times do I have to tell you that this is not a problem for me? And if you don’t trust me, look here,’’ Hide took the score and circled his finger around a certain part. ‘’Here we’re in harmony, so it’s the same. No big deal, like I told you.’’

A bewildered face made Hide laugh. ‘’’Hide is amazing’… that’s what you’re thinking right now, right?’’ A pink colour spread over Kaneki’s cheeks. He looked down. ‘’I… suppose so.’’

 _He’s being honest_. Hide didn’t expect that, Kaneki got him a little lost with himself. The air felt warmer and lighter. Hide thought this was definitely worth the extra hamburgers he would have to pay.

_____________

He was almost crying, the teacher. Hide had to admit, his class had worked harder on the song than he had expected. Now they wouldn’t humiliate themselves in front of the whole school. He was glad.

‘’You guys are amazing! You can do it if you really try after all.’’

‘’That’s way too harsh!’’

‘’We worked hard to see you cry, Harasen!’’

There were some days left before they had to do the real performance, and now that everything was going smoothly, Hide realised one thing. He had been avoiding this for the past week, but now when he looked over at Kaneki who was actually looking quite confident and satisfied with himself, it was made clear to him.

 _This is the end, right_?

_____________

They had picked out a nice and empty park for their last rehearsal. Hide had insisted to do it somewhere else than on the schoolgrounds, saying that he had gotten bored with the setting.

‘’All righty then!’’ Hide swung his bag to the ground, not caring where it would land. Kaneki placed his bag neatly next to where Hide’s was lying, and went to stand with Hide. ‘’We’re gonna practice for the last time like it’s the real thing.’’

Kaneki closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. ‘’Hey, don’t tense up. Relax, Ken-chan.’’ Hide saw that Kaneki wanted to protest against the name Hide had given him, but cancelled his arguments when Hide gave him a serious look. At least, he was relaxed now.

Kaneki had improved a lot. Hide didn’t want that. He knew it was selfish, but He was actually wishing for Kaneki to still have some points to work on so they could hang out a little bit longer. Hide wished that he could listen to his voice again and again. He wanted Kaneki in his bedroom to sing him asleep every night. It was a weird thought, but Hide had his wishes too. Kaneki made him at ease. Now it was going to be the end, because it was…

‘’Perfect.’’ There was no other way to state it. Kaneki looked blankly at Hide, and then did the thing. He smiled and Hide was certain that it would kill him some day.

‘’There is a vending machine there,’’ Kaneki pointed at the machine that glowed in the darkness. ‘’I can get you something. My treat.’’

‘’You can get me anything.’’ Hide sat himself down on the stone platform that functioned to hold flowers. The temperature was decreasing. The air smelled of rain because of all the humidity that was settling down on the grass. It was perfect.

Kaneki went to sit next to him, handing Hide a water bottle. ‘’Ah, sparkling water.’’ He opened it and drank almost half of it. Even if he wasn’t the one who was singing the most of the two, his throat felt dry.

‘’Well, since it’s our last meeting, I thought something more than plain water would fit the occasion,’’ Kaneki sipped his drink, and Hide watched the large gulps going down his throat. Downright creepy that was what he was doing.

‘’Sorry, I didn’t have more on me. I know this isn’t really enough to pay you back for helping me.’’ _It almost sounds like a love confession_ , Hide thought. He wouldn’t have a problem with it if it really was one, really.

Kaneki pulled his legs towards him, resting his head on his knees and facing Hide. ‘’You’re really a lifesaver, so thank you.’’ It was that smile again. It was not right for him to think that way, but Hide felt like that expression was for him only. A privilege no one else had.

All he wanted to know now was if he was really the person who was pushing Kaneki forward. Who was Kaneki exactly? What was his purpose?

‘’Hey, for who are you trying your hardest with this song?’’

The question startled Kaneki, losing his grip on his water bottle, and letting it fall on the ground. It left a trail of water behind it while it rolled further away from them. They looked at it until it stopped moving.

‘’Oh, man…’’ It was there again. The awkward tension between them that Hide absolutely disliked. So he did what he was the best in: Avoiding a continuation of the talk by doing something different. Hide stood up to pick up the bottle, only had Kaneki exactly the same idea in mind.

‘’It…It’s fine. I’ll get it-’’ They were both squatting down to get the bottle, both of them sticking out their hand to grab it, and then it happened. Hide felt like they were having a moment. Their faces closer to each other than they ever had, and he couldn’t tell if time was slowing down or if they just weren’t moving.

When he decided that, yes, they were having a moment, Hide put one hand on Kaneki’s neck, thumbing his cheek and pulling him closer. So close that their breath mixed. That only lasted for a second, because Hide didn’t stop with pulling him towards himself until they couldn’t go further.

Kaneki’s lips touched Hide’s. He wasn’t thinking anymore, letting his instinct take over. Hide only knew that he couldn’t let go of Kaneki’s face. Neither of them moved. They didn’t push each other to go further than an innocent kiss.

Unfortunately, Hide’s brain started to work again right after he took a peek at Kaneki. The other hadn’t closed his eyes, and was staring into Hide’s eyes like a scared animal. Hide pulled away then. This couldn’t be right.

‘’Ah…’’ He still needed some time to think of what was the best to do for now. Kaneki’s expression didn’t change. ‘’Uh, I’m so- I mean…’’ Hide stood up and grabbed his bag. ‘’Bye!’’ Running away was the best plan he could think of.

He heard Kaneki shouting his name, trying to get him back. Only was there no way he could face him now. Hide hadn’t felt this hot before. It must be the weather taking its toll on him. The summer made him do weird things.

 _This is… really bad, right_? While Hide sped up, the cool air brushed his face more. Yet it wouldn’t help his blood to go down. Hide was burning, and that wasn’t because he was running harder than his body could tolerate. His face was burning because of the soft touch of Kaneki Ken’s lips, of his voice that slipped on that high note when they connected, of everything that Kaneki was.

 _My body is fizzing like the sparkling water_.

_____________

‘’Number seven on the program… Class 2-A… ‘ _Budding Leaves’_.’’

It was the day they all had worked so hard for. Standing in the auditorium in front of the rest of the school certainly brought up some nerves by everyone, but they could do it. Their teacher stood in front of them, holding a baton and giving a nod to the pianist to start. The intro they’ve heard so many times began to echo through the auditorium, and everyone got their focus on the song.

The start went without any problem. It sounded like it never had, even if they had gone over the song a lot of times. To Hide, it sounded nostalgic in a way. He continued to sing with a smile.

Hide glanced over to the first row of students, where Kaneki was standing. His shoulders weren’t tensed up, and he was standing straight. _He is doing just fine_ , Hide mused. _Thank god he’s doing perfectly fine_. What a waste of time it would have been if it hadn’t.

Hide smiled internally. That wasn’t true. The moments together wouldn’t have gone to waste even if everything went wrong. Hide was glad they had the chance to be together for some time. He cherished it.

‘’Is… Nagachika?’’

‘’…is he… crying?’’

‘’Wait, Nagachika is crying?’’

It took some time for Hide to notice that he had stopped singing, just like the rest of his classmates. Their teacher was looking at him, confused. He touched his cheek, and it surprised him that it was wet. He scared himself when he also felt that the other cheek was wet with tears.

‘’Ah-‘’ He didn’t know what was happening. He had no idea why this was happening, but it didn’t take him long to figure it out. There, in the front line, Kaneki was looking at him with shock. It was the second time this week Hide thought it was the best to leave everything behind and just run for it.

He pushed away some people, and made his way outside, never stopping with running. Maybe it was because he was so moved by the song they had worked so hard on, or were it the hormones playing with his feelings.

 _Hide, you’re not a girl_. He had to stop thinking and find a place far away where he could stay for a while to lay low, until all the commotion was forgotten.

‘’Wait… Wait up!’’

Maybe it was because Hide couldn’t accept that it was over between him and Kaneki. That he had messed it up real good when they were supposed to split ways. Hide didn’t want it to end. So he ran away from this ending, and hoped for another one.

He stopped and panted hard. It wasn’t a good idea to run with this temperature. Soon, the boy who had called out for him caught him. Hide didn’t know if it was sweat or tears from frustration dripping down his face. He could have ripped out his hair right there and then.

‘’W-what are… you… doing all of a sudden?’’

Hide wasn’t fair to Kaneki. He had run away from him twice now without giving him a decent reason. Well, stealing a kiss from him was certainly a reason to get the hell out of there in Hide’s eyes, but still. Hide was going to continue on being unfair.

‘’Just go back. Everyone will be worried!’’

Hide couldn’t see Kaneki’s face, he was sitting on the ground with his back to Kaneki. He imagined him frowning.

‘’This isn’t about the _others_ now, Hide. Please tell me why you-‘’

‘’I ran away because I might have a big crush on you, okay?!’’ That went out pretty quickly. Hide had never planned to go out and say it. ‘’And you were working so hard on perfecting this piece that I thought that I might’ve been the reason for that.’’ This was so bad. Hide felt like he was going to explode. ‘’But how could that be true in any way? Why would you try hard for someone like me? I totally worked myself into a trap. I’m such a _blithering idiot_!’’

This was it. Hide had no more to say. The school would remember him as the creep who bawled over a cheesy song, and Kaneki… oh Kaneki would be disgusted and never come close to him again.

‘’Y’know, just forget about it.’’ Hide made himself smaller, wrapping his arms around his legs. He was such a child.

‘’Hide.’’ Kaneki’s voice came closer. There was no disgust at all, only the same soothing voice that Hide had enjoyed listening to in those couple of weeks. Yet, he couldn’t get his hopes up.

‘’No- please don’t. I mean-‘’

‘’Hideyoshi, listen.’’

 _His hand feels so cold_. Kaneki had placed his hand on Hide’s shoulder, stroking the fabric of his uniform shirt.

‘’No one has ever said that you’re not a reason why I was doing my best.’’ Hide turned around, searching for a further explanation in Kaneki’s eyes. He couldn’t find anything, only red cheeks that came into view because of Hide staring for too long.

‘’I- actually… I thought that… sing-… singing with you was-‘’ He didn’t let him finish. ‘’Singing with me was..?’’

Hide had messed up again. Kaneki’s confidence from a moment ago seeped away and he shut down.

‘’No… it’s nothing.’’

‘’Wait, what about the next part? Isn’t that kinda important?’’

‘’Uh, no- no it’s not-‘’

People who were shouting their names from a distance interrupted their moment. Hide didn’t hesitate to take Kaneki’s hand and run away from what were probably teachers.

Hide saw a small shed and led Kaneki to that. ‘’Quick, quick.’’ He pulled the boy into the shed with him and closed the door, only keeping it slightly open so he could peek outside.

‘’I’m sure I heard them somewhere around here…’’ Two teachers came into view, looking around them to find the two lost students.

‘’We’ll split up and continue searching.’’

Hide felt like he was in a crime series, running away from the cops. The two that stood outside didn’t leave. This was exciting.

‘’Maybe we should go back.’’ Kaneki probably couldn’t handle it. He didn’t blame him. Not everyone could see life as a big movie and not take it seriously. Hide only didn’t want to leave yet.

‘’Kaneki, tell me about the second part. I’m listening.’’

Kaneki’s blush could be seen even though it was pretty dark in there. ‘’No Hide! I- I said it already. It’s enough! That stuff…’’ he hissed.

Hide slid his arm around Kaneki’s back and repeated what he had done that night. He brought Kaneki closer until they were practically breathing each other’s breath. ‘’Hey, I’ve been thinking about that kiss, and…’’

Kaneki didn’t show any signs of uncomfortableness, so Hide continued. ‘’And do you think I did it in the right angle?’’

‘’Huh?’’

They were kissing again. Even when they could still hear the teachers talking outside, not even three metres away from them, Hide felt like this was right. He closed his eyes and held Kaneki tighter.

He smiled into the kiss when he felt a shy hand grasping his shoulder. What the summer heat could do with him.

 

- _End of Summer_


	2. Autumn

_Coarse the rush-mat roof_  
 _Sheltering the harvest-hut_  
 _Of the autumn rice-field;_  
 _And my sleeves are growing wet_  
 _with the moisture dripping through_.

_____________

There was someone Hide liked. This person wore the same uniform, same shoes, was in the same class, was the same age. This person was smaller and skinnier than him. His dark hair was silkier than his dead bleached bedhead. He was brilliant and never disappointed a teacher. Even though his outstanding results, the boy didn’t like attention, which was another point that they hadn’t in common.

Sometimes, this person caught his gaze in the middle of class, and he would give Hide an questioning look. Honestly, Hide didn’t know how he had to deal with Kaneki ken.

‘’…Please pass the copies.’’

Right now, Hide was trying to get Kaneki to turn to him with his intense glare. Kaneki must feel his eyes burning by now, which was Hide’s plan, but the boy seemed to occupied with listening to what the teacher had to tell them. Literature history was one of the most somnolent classes in Hide’s eyes.

‘’This song is read as a love song. Firstly, it’s Autumn…’’

That was one more thing where they were each other’s opposites. Their likes and dislikes when it came to classes did clash a bit. Hide was more of a math and science person, preferring it to other subjects because it was easy. When it came to Kaneki, he seemed to be passionate about languages and literature. Hide didn’t quite understand that, with all the theory that had to be studied, but when he saw Kaneki listening so closely to whatever the teacher was talking about, Hide thought that the value of the subject was maybe more than he thought.

Yet, sometimes Hide stroke luck and got Kaneki distracted from his work. Kaneki looked up from his notes and looked at Hide. They didn’t do anything else, stopped thinking about the others who were with them. It was just the two of them.

_____________

‘’ Is there somethin’ between you and Kaneki?’’

Nishiki had been wanting to ask that question for a while now, Hide could figure that much. His voice sounded more hesitating than it usually did. The words were weighed one by one, and were given to Hide very carefully. Hide shrugged of his sport jersey and took his shirt off his head.

‘’’Something’?’’ The classroom was empty, and the already cold air on his bare chest made him shiver. ‘’What I mean is that, well…’’ The corners of Hide’s lips turned upwards, stepping into his uniform slacks. ‘’Just say it, Nishio-senpai.’’

‘’I’m not your senpai.’’ The other was waiting for Hide to finish, as always. ‘’But you’re my senpai in the band, senpai?’’ He got a slap on his back from Nishiki in return. ‘’Stop calling me that, it’s gross.’’

Hide waved with his hand as an apology, buttoning up his shirt. Nishiki was a fun guy to be with, that was for sure.

‘’Just now, you kept sorta staring at each other during the lit class,’’ Nishiki adjusted his glasses while Hide put his sports uniform back into his bag. He could have known that Nishiki would have noticed it any time soon. ‘’So, you’re spying on me Nishiki?’’ Hide dodged another hit.

‘’It’s just that, lately you keep going home with him, so I just wondered.’’

It was raining. The drops of water hit the windows. _Splitter splatter, like the soda on that summer night._ Like his heart on that moment, or most of the time now. How could he possibly explain that to Nishiki? To anyone?

‘’Kaneki, y’know, he’s a whole different genre.’’

‘’Genre?’’

Nishiki looked to the ceiling, as if thinking about how he should say it. ‘’What I’m trying to say is that, seeing you two together, it looks…’’ The rain kept going down harder. Hide was lucky that he had brought an umbrella with him. ‘’What? Weird?’’

‘’Yeah, sort of.’’ Nishiki was definitely uncomfortable with this. Hide laughed to bring him at ease. Nishiki could tell him anything, so he didn’t have to be afraid. He took his bag and to the door opening.

‘’Quit laughing! Rumors of _that sort_ are already spreading.’’

‘’What d’you mean, ‘that sort’?’’ Hide shoved the door open, only to be met with Kaneki’s frightened face. Hide stayed where he stood, even when Kaneki ran away and maybe it was a good idea to chase after him. _Was he eavesdropping_?

‘’C’mon Shittychika, use your head for once. It’s the sort you get in an all-boys’ school, you know?’’

_____________

Rain had different scents. The one now couldn’t be compared to the summer storm from a month ago. Neither could it with the scent it would have when it was still raining, and the winter was coming. An autumn’s scent still smelled as warm as a summer’s one, but had an edge. Maybe it had to do with the dying leaves that had an different odour from the green ones when rain touched them.

Hide’s right side was soaked by the rain, turning cold now. Hide had brought an umbrella with him, but he and Kaneki didn’t quietly fit under it, so he sacrificed himself to avoid Kaneki being touched by the rain. It was awfully quiet on their way to Kaneki’s cram school. The only sounds that could be heard were their footsteps in the puddles and the endless splattering of the rain. Hide wanted the rain season to be over with it already.

Their small town was sleeping as always. No one dared to get out of their house and catch a cold in the rain. They walked between a big what used to be rice-field and a couple of houses. There was not much else in this town. Houses and rice-fields. Hide felt like a habitant from an old farmer village sometimes. He didn’t like it nor dislike it. It was just there.

‘’Hey, Hide. You can drop me here.’’

Even though he said those words, Kaneki didn’t stop walking, and neither did Hide. They continued walking through the puddles, the underside of their pants getting wet and muddy.

‘’Just a bit more.’’ Kaneki sighed. Hide didn’t know if this was Kaneki not wanting to bother him or one that wanted to be free from him as soon as possible. Hide wished it was the first one.

‘’The building is just around the corner.’’

‘’Well then, ‘til the corner.’’

Hide’s sleeve was so wet now that the rain falling onto it could be heard. _Splitter splatter, the same rhythm as my heart thumping_.

‘’…your sleeve.’’

Hide turned to Kaneki for the first time on their walk. ‘’hmm?’’ Kaneki opened his mouth, but seemed to have forgotten what to say. Then he shook his head as if waking himself up. One of the only times Hide allowed himself to call a guy adorable.

‘’You should move the umbrella a bit more. Isn’t your side getting really wet?’’ That was true, but Hide didn’t mind. ‘’Oh, it’s fine. I never use an umbrella when I’m alone.’’ That was a lie.

All the rain reminded him of when, back in grade school, they told him that acid rain would make you go bald. ‘’Say, you think that this could be acid rain?’’

Kaneki hummed, seriously thinking of an answer for the question. ‘’I don’t think so, because we would be dead by now with this amount of rain coming down.’’ That was a decent answer, but that didn’t match with his going bald tail.

‘’Does that go for going bald as well?’’

‘’…going bald?’’

‘’Ah,’’ Hide scratched his neck, grinning for coming up with something stupid. ‘’Teachers at my grade school used to tell me that, but now you never hear them talk about it again.’’ Kaneki chuckling sounded light between the sound of the rain. ‘’I don’t know if a bald look will fit you.’’

‘’Then I have to avoid the rain, right?’’ Hide made the distance between them smaller, so all of him could be under the umbrella. Only was Kaneki not having it. He scooted to the side to create some distance between them, but that would be immediately closed by Hide again. They went on until Kaneki couldn’t go any further. He was locked between Hide and the fence behind him.

It felt pretty warm under the umbrella, their bodies close to one another. Hide looked down at Kaneki. He wanted to tell himself that this wasn’t some kind of teenage drama, but he also couldn’t deny that it wasn’t.

‘’Can I kiss you?’’

‘’No.’’ Kaneki averted his gaze, blushing madly. Maybe he felt embarrassed because they were on a public street. Maybe it had to do with what Kaneki had or had not heard at school when he was eavesdropping. Hide didn’t care either way, taking Kaneki’s chin and closing the distance between them. There was no struggling from Kaneki’s side, so Hide kept them exactly where they were.

Something switched on in Kaneki’s mind, and he pushed Hide away. ‘’I said _no_ , Hide!’’ Did he push him too much? He had, right?

Hide pouted. ‘’Why not, Kaneki?’’ He chased after Kaneki, who was speeding up. ‘’We’re going out right?’’ Kaneki looked back, face still red.

‘’We… we’re not going out…’’

Hide was taken back by that. ‘’But we kiss an’ stuff?’’ He caught up with Kaneki, leaning over the boy’s shoulder. Kaneki tensed up, Hide could tell. Sometimes, Hide forgot about limits.

‘’Ken-chan, you kiss with people you aren’t dating?’’ As if he didn’t do that himself, but that was some trivial information. Kaneki got out of Hide’s grip and walked ahead.

‘’Then let’s not do it.’’ He stopped for one more time. Hide was confused. What was he talking about…

‘’Kissing, I mean.’’ Kaneki walked away without another word.

_____________

_I didn’t mean to direct the conversation to that, but…_

‘’I honestly don’t care if you fill in some idiot schools you don’t even want to go to, but you seriously need to fill in those blank spaces.’’

His advisor, Harasen that is, was sitting across from him, looking at his paper he had to fill in long ago. It was a pain, thinking about the future. Hide thought it was unnecessary, he was only second year after all. He still had a lot of time to figure out everything. Now wasn’t the right time for him.

Hide let out a sigh. How could this teacher be an advisor? He was so irresponsible. Maybe he could write down that he wanted to replace his advisor as a joke. Hide didn’t know if it would have consequences though.

His advisor clicked with his tongue. ‘’You idiots. Every time you open your mouths, it’s about love, sex, and rock ‘n roll.’’ Seriously, in what decade was that guy living? He was brawling something about being too young for that, but wasn’t it the same when it came to figuring out his future?

Hide looked outside. The rain hadn’t stopped since that day. Kaneki hadn’t stopped avoiding him since that day. He had to admit it, he wasn’t putting a lot of effort in getting to Kaneki. Hide felt like he had pushed the wrong button, and had to let it rest for a while. That didn’t mean that Hide didn’t feel sad about it. Walking alone nowadays wasn’t the same as before he and Kaneki met. It felt lonely.

_Coarse… the rush-mat… roof? What comes next?_

‘’Oi, Nagachika. What are you talking about?’’ Had he said that out loud? Yet, Hide couldn’t feel embarrassed about it.

‘’It was something we learned with literature history the other day. It’s...’’ Hide didn’t know what he was rambling on about. No one cared about that silly poem. ‘’Never mind.’’

He wanted to sleep. The sound of the rain made him sleepy, made him think that he could easily dose off if he wasn’t with the creepy advisor right now.

‘’You and Kaneki, are in pretty good terms right?’’ Speaking of creepy. ‘’Or should I say, _were_ in good terms. I mean, recently, you two haven’t…’’ Scratch creepy. This guy was a total stalker.

‘’But that’s none of your business, is it Hara-sen _sei_?’’ Hide knew he could speak up to this teacher without getting into bad terms. He just got a bit annoyed when the other was talking about his relationship with Kaneki. It was evident that every teacher loved Kaneki Ken, but that was not a reason to go out and find every bit of information they could find about the boy.

The advisor grinned. ‘’Well, it isn’t but…’’ He leaned against the wall, looking like he was thinking about something sweet.

‘’I’ve known him since first year.’’

The bell rang, implying that the lunch break was over. Hide wanted to get away as soon as possible. Who was this guy exactly?

‘’Well, he’s pretty smart, so he’s popular among the teachers.’’ What was he trying to tell him?

‘’Lunch break’s over.’’ Hide was dismissed and stood up without another word. This was a focus point for later. Hide had to get his head around it.

‘’Nagachika,’’ Hide turned around when he heard his name. ‘’When you get back to your classroom, tell Kaneki to come to guidance counselling after school.’’ 

_Coarse the rush-mat roof… sheltering…_

Trying to avoid bumping into people in the crowded hallway, Hide thought about what he had just heard. Was his advisor trying to tell him that he wasn’t the only person Kaneki had at this school? Was he using ‘I know him longer than you’ as an excuse to spy on them?

 _What the hell_?

_____________

He was lucky to walk in on Kaneki before he entered the classroom. Even though Hide hated to agree with his teacher, it was true that he and Kaneki weren’t really working out anymore. Letting it rest had made him accept Kaneki avoiding and ignoring him.

‘’Oh, Kaneki.’’ If it had to do with the boy’s shy nature, Hide didn’t know, but this was ridiculous. That kid was shutting himself in for no reason.

_Sheltering the harvest hut of the…_

‘’Drop that self-conscious act of yours already and stop ignoring me for fuck’s…’’

Hide tended to say things out loud that weren’t supposed to come out. He had the whole class watching the two now. Through his dark bangs, Kaneki looked at him exactly like when he got caught after the little talk with Nishiki. _Just how much had he heard_?

‘’Ah, I mean… Harasen said to meet him for guidance counselling… after school.’’ His voice lost its volume at the end of the sentence. He could breathe normally again when everyone turned their back towards him, going back to what they were doing. The same went for Kaneki.

‘’…Got it. Thank you.’’

Hide was left in the door opening.

Why did it turn out like this? Wasn’t it Kaneki’s fault for ignoring him in the first place? Hide had never wanted to start drama, but after Kaneki had said that he didn’t want it anymore, Hide felt frustrated. They enjoyed hanging around each other, right? Hide flopped into his seat, deciding that he would sleep through this class.

 _I guess Kaneki was pissed off_.

_____________

Not being considered normal wasn’t a big deal to Kaneki. He had always dealt with that through his whole life. It wasn’t that he was trying hard to stand out, it was just that for one reason, he always succeeded in making a scene.

Were it his parents dying when he was just a little kid, or his aunt yelling at him that could be heard through the whole neighbourhood, or getting into a school that was under his level, Kaneki attracted attention, even if he didn’t want to.

People didn’t talk much to him, and he preferred it that way. He could focus on what was important without any distraction. He was fine with it.

That was until a certain boy came to him and offered a helping hand. Kaneki still thought that he hadn’t been that happy through his whole school career. Then suddenly, being around a living person was something he yearned for. There wasn’t only the purpose in his life to do his hardest best at school, now he had Hide as well.

His aunt and uncle were never at home, or never turned their backs towards him if they were. His cousin was someone he’d better avoid. Kaneki grew up with care that could be pitied. He never had really had the chance to build up some social skills, so when Hide had accepted him with open arms, he was flabbergasted.

Now he had messed it up. Kaneki didn’t mean to eavesdrop on the two boys some days ago, it just happened. He still regretted it.

_‘’Kaneki, y’know, he’s a whole different genre.’’_

_‘’…Seeing you two together, it looks…’’_

_‘’What? Weird?’’_

_‘’Rumors of that sort are already spreading.’’_

Kaneki felt that it was the perfect time to end this. He really liked Hide, but they just weren’t made for each other. Nishiki was right, they were so different that it looked weird. He couldn’t deny the fact that it would affect Hide if he kept hanging out with him. Kaneki didn’t want that for Hide to happen. He didn’t wish for anyone to be shut out like him.

It was for the best, ripping himself out of Hide’s grip and going on with life. Only if Hide did the same, it would be a lot easier. Only if Hide wasn’t constantly asking for physical contact, or giving him a hurt look if he didn’t answer him.

‘’Coarse the rush-mat roof…’’

Kaneki was taken out of his train of thoughts by his advisor’s sudden sound.

‘’Huh?’’

‘’Sheltering the harvest hut of the autumn rice-field… was it?’’ The older man went to sit down, waving with his hand. ‘’Forget it. Something Nagachika said today… ‘tis fine.’’

Kaneki remembered the poem that they had analysed last week. He thought it was out of character for Hide to still know the poem. He had gotten the idea that Hide was not into literature when he had shyly slipped one of his favourite novels into their conversation.

‘’There isn’t much I need to talk to you about. You should be fine with getting into the school of your choice with your grades…’’

It always went like this. They were all the same, adults. All being like ‘your such a talented kid’ and ‘it must be easy for you’, when they talked behind his back at the same time. It wasn’t easy at all. Kaneki had his own struggles, even if it hadn’t to do with his academic skills. Everyone seemed to ignore that for most of the time.

‘’What’s left is your health management and,’’ The man gave him a concerned look, forcing Kaneki to look at him.

‘’Have you been dumped?’’

How? ‘’E-excuse me?’’ Kaneki was aware of this teacher who had been looking after him since the first year of high school, but how could he know about his relationships?

‘’You look down. You were going out with Nagachika, right?’’ Was it that obvious?

_‘’Rumors of that sort are already spreading.’’_

Kaneki had to set this right for Hide’s sake. He didn’t want this attention, he never asked for it. Then why…

‘’That…. We’re both _boys_.’’ Kaneki fidgeted with his hands, looking at his lap. Did this mean that no one was going to leave him alone from now on? He had heard a couple of scary stories about kids getting beat up because of their… nature. It was terrifying.

Suddenly, he felt a hand caressing his cheek, making him look up at the other man. ‘’Should I have used the present tense? You _are_ still going out with him, right?’’ The warmth of the other’s face came closer to Kaneki’s.

‘’Tell me, Kaneki. Do you know what it means when two men are ‘going out’?’’

The man grinned. Kaneki’s eyes widened when he came even closer. He was not able to push him away.

‘’After you graduate and become free,’’ he stroked Kaneki’s cheek. ‘’You’re going to be in an environment where girls are always around. Soon, boys who aren’t originally _that way_ will start chasing skirts again.’’

What was he trying to make clear? Kaneki gasped, forgetting how to breathe. ‘’That’s-‘’

‘’Kaneki. Nagachika isn’t _that way_.’’

_‘’Kaneki, y’know, he’s a whole different genre.’’_

Kaneki looked down again when his chin was let go. _I see. So eventually, it would have probably turned out that way_. He felt relieved that he had called for a stop before it was too late.

_____________

‘’Actually, I think I’ll head back.’’

He and Nishiki were on their way back home, walking through the only street that wasn’t always deserted. The rain had stopped for once, the sun fighting against the clouds to get its place back.

Nishiki frowned at him. ‘’Heading back? Where to?’’ Hide made his way back to where they just came from.

‘’School!’’ Hide ran between the people who were shopping. Maybe if he were fast enough, he could still see Kaneki.

_Coarse rush-mat roof… sheltering the harvest-hut…_

Hide thought back at how Kaneki looked at him when he had raised his voice earlier this day. He ran as fast as he could, the hill up, entrancing the school.

_Of the autumn rice-field…_

He almost tripped when he drove himself up the stairs. Kaneki should still be talking with Harasen. He could make it.

_Instead of looking pissed back then… Kaneki looked like as if he was gonna cry._

Hide slammed the door open without knocking due to the energy still running through his body.

_And… and my sleeves…_

His chest was heaving up and down. He had run too hard, but he wasn’t telling his body sorry. He was thanking it, because if he was just a little later, then this scene before him would have gotten out of the hand.

Loving your students is one thing, but touching and coming so close as what Harasen was doing right now was not okay. Hide leapt towards the two, shoved the teacher away and grabbed Kaneki’s wrist. A second later, they were in the hallway again, walking to the exit.

‘’H-hide.’’

_Drip drip, like the tears that were supposed to fall._

Hide never let go of Kaneki’s wrist, walking the whole way back. Had Harasen warned him for this when he was talking about his relation with Kaneki? That this was going to happen?

‘’O-ow, Hide it hurts…’’

Stopping with walking, he let go of Kaneki, not yet turning his face to him again. He supposed he should have kept an eye on Kaneki.

‘’Sorry.’’

He heard Kaneki gasp. ‘’No, it… that’s not it at all.’’

There was the comfortable silence between them again. The one they had worked on for so long. A cool autumn breeze made Hide’s jacket wave. It was getting colder.

‘’Coarse the rush-mat roof… Sheltering the harvest-hut of the autumn rice field, and… and my sleeves-’’

‘’And my sleeves are growing wet, with moisture dripping through.’’ Hide turned around, grabbing Kaneki by the shoulders. He laughed, a real genuine laugh.

‘’Ah that’s right. That was it!’’ He wrapped his arms around Kaneki, startling the boy with the sudden touch. ‘’Thanks man. Now It’ll finally stop bugging me.’’ He let out a relieved sigh, leaning into Kaneki. The other patted his back.

‘’You’re a strange one, Hide.’’ He could hear the smile in his voice. Hide smiled back. They stood there for a while, warming each other up. Hide had missed this, even when he didn’t have it for that long.

Kaneki’s smell was different from the familiar autumn’s scent. He still had to get used to it. ‘’Umm, this is kinda serious. Like, would you, maybe…’’

He pushed Kaneki away so he could look into his eyes. The colour reminded him of the autumn’s stormy sky.

‘’Would you please go out with me?’’

Kaneki’s gaping mouth didn’t say enough to Hide. To get nervous over a love confession.

_Do you know what it means when two men are ‘going out’?_

‘’Is it… no good?’’

‘’No! I mean, it’s not…’’ Kaneki looked around him, trying to get some more time to answer. _He too? Is he also nervous?_

Kaneki looked at him, chuckling. He took a handkerchief out of his pocket, bringing it to Hide’s face. ‘’Working up a sweat over such things…’’

Hide was sweating and he hadn’t even noticed it. He must look very grimy right now.

‘’Yes.’’

‘’Hmm?’’

Kaneki put his handkerchief back where he got it from. ‘’Yes, I would… l-like to go out with you.’’

Hide knew that everything was going to be alright when he jumped into Kaneki’s arms.

 

- _End of Autumn_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited Harasen into the first chapter, because I thought he's too interesting for the story to be left out.


	3. End of Winter, begin of Spring

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everytime I say to myself that the chapter definitely will be shorter than the others, it only becomes longer.

Hide stared at the flyer that Nishiki had pushed into his hands earlier. ‘’Isn’t this a little over the top?’’ The black paper announced their ‘last live’ and that ‘big fans shouldn’t miss this out’.

‘’It’s not even our own show.’’ Would someone really care enough to come for them because it was their last show? It was unnecessary to make such a big deal out of it when there were going to be tons of other bands performing that night.

‘’Even if you say so, we’ve spent two years together, and there are a couple of fans that actually do care.’’ Nishiki smacked his locker closed. Like with this last time performance, Hide’s friend always wanted a bang to resonate, even after he was long gone. Hide smirked. Perhaps it wasn’t such a bad idea to exaggerate a little.

‘’Does that fan club only know one member, aka Kimi-san?’’ Hide got smacked with a pile of fliers in return. ‘’Whatever, just take these and palm it off on anyone. I’ll be going ahead.’’ It was a funny sight, the colour that would appear on Nishiki’s face every time someone mentioned his girlfriend. _So much for a tough guy_.

While Nishiki was attempting to hand out some of the fliers, Hide noticed two shoe noses peeking out from behind the locker row. It wasn’t hard to guess who could be the owner of the shoes. Hide knew that the guy would hide himself there almost every day. It was about time to redeem the boy from his suffering, so Hide walked to the shoes and bent down to the figure on the ground.

‘’Kaneki, why are you hiding?’’

It startled Kaneki, looking ashamed right after for being caught peeping. Hide held out a hand to help the other stand up before they left the building together, heading home.

‘’I wasn’t hiding.’’

Hide hummed. He didn’t have had to ask, since this was what Kaneki always gave as an answer. Also, Hide was well aware of why Kaneki never came close to Hide when they were in more public places. Nishiki was mostly with Hide then, and otherwise other friends would be. The point was, Kaneki couldn’t get along with Hide’s friends. They had only interacted a few times, some small talks here and there, but it was always obvious that Kaneki never felt comfortable.

Still, lately Kaneki was trying to be close to Hide for as much time as possible. It was adorable, to be honest. Hide loved it to see Kaneki working hard, fighting against his instinct that told him to stay away to have a chance to be with Hide.

Those moments were rare nowadays. They were both third years now. When the first semester had begun, the two were split up and got assigned to different classes. The times that they could spend together became fewer and shorter, also due to Kaneki’s cram school.

The sun felt soft, even though it shone proudly upon the two boys high in the sky. Spring was almost here, and when the rays of sun would begin to burn, Hide would have to become serious about his future plans. Now wasn’t the time yet. Now was the time to focus on the boy who was walking next to him, not on school.

When the warmer day came, weren’t young people supposed to hook up and do what only lovers could do? It wasn’t that Hide wasn’t satisfied with how their relationship was unfolding itself. He couldn’t be happier to be able to bring Kaneki to his main focus in life, which was cram school.

Which was actually a trivial thing that stung Hide really hard. He would never ask Kaneki about it, but sometimes it really worried him to what level Kaneki could be obsessed about studying. All he knew was that it would worsen in the time that graduation came closer. It was unhealthy in his eyes. And to add up to the nagging feelings, it made Hide feel haunted by his own future even more. Compared to Kaneki, he was doing way too little.

Like he just said, not yet. Now was the time to become closer to his lover, no matter how he would do it. Sometimes he wondered if Kaneki was also yearning for a little bit more closeness.

Then was there the moment Hide came with an idea. He took his bag from his back and rummaged through the useless papers while they kept walking. He took one black flyer out and almost hit Kaneki with it when he wanted to show it to him.

Kaneki took it from Hide with a bit of annoyance and gave it a quick glance. ‘’What is this?’’ Hide tried to hide his smile when he noticed that Kaneki didn’t flinch away when Hide came closer to explain the flyer to Kaneki. Everything was going with a slow pace, but Hide didn’t mind.

‘’Look, here…’’ Hide pointed out the little textbox that featured his band. ‘’Disband?’’ Kaneki looked up at Hide who was still very close. ‘’Are you going to quit?’’ He almost sounded worried. Hide laughed at the tone Kaneki spoke with.

‘’Yes, but it’s not like we had a fight or something. Our vocalist is just leaving town. Gonna take entry exams at a university really far from here. We were all friends from middle school, so without him it won’t be the same anymore.’’ Kaneki nodded, taking a look at the flyer once more.

‘’So, it’s probably gonna be the last for us.’’

‘’It’s sad to here so.’’

That was true. Everyone around Hide was always moving. He himself only kept his place and waved the others goodbye. It frustrated him. He wanted to start moving as well. He wanted to get serious like Kaneki did. Hide wanted to move on with Kaneki.

‘’Oh, that’s right,’’ Kaneki put the flyer in his bag with the lack of other things to do with it. ‘’Hide, about your university preference…’’

‘’Do you wanna come and see?’’

Kaneki looked confused. Hide had interrupted him with a question that didn’t make sense in the context. ‘’What… what do you mean-‘’

‘’The concert. You wanna see it?’’ Kaneki had the right to be confused. Hide had just avoided a whole conversation. But just like he had said, not yet.

‘’You’ve never seen us play, not that I’ve ever invited you properly, but now that it’s our last gig, might as well give it a shot right? It’s not really a big deal, but… wait, you still have the flyer on you?’’ Kaneki gasped and quickly opened his bag to take the thing out again, apologizing softly. Probably for putting it away, Hide guessed.

‘’I don’t think I can make it. I’m sorry,’’ said Kaneki when he read the date off the flyer. ‘’It’s this Friday, right? I’ve got cram school then.’’ Hide shook his head, and Kaneki frowned at that. ‘’It’s a nighter.’’

‘’Nighter…?’’

‘’Yes, an all-nighter. Starts late at night and ends around five in the morning if I’m not wrong. We play at one, so you can come after your cram school.’’ They approached a dim tunnel under a railway, and Hide got the idea that it maybe was fun to give everything a little push here. He checked one more time, but there was no one here as far as his eyesight could reach.

His feet stopped walking when they were beneath the railway, and Kaneki stopped immediately when he noticed that Hide wasn’t next to him anymore. He looked back at Hide with concern, only to be pushed gently against the arching wall of the tunnel by said person. Hide waited for a protest, but it never came. Kaneki stared at him with the still concerned eyes.

‘’The venue is Kichijoji.’’ The clattering of a train passing by echoed loudly around them. Hide palmed Kaneki’s cheek when Kaneki was still not struggling. He had tensed up, but did not push away, which was good.

The soft sound their lips made when they came in contact wasn’t to be heard over the sound of the train, which made it even more kind of a secret. No one had seen or heard it. It almost felt sinful, an action that should be a secret. Hide liked it.

He didn’t press it, didn’t make any sudden movements, only stroked the soft skin of the other’s cheek with his thumb. All he wanted now was getting closer, because this wasn’t close enough. Hide wanted to take Kaneki’s waist and pull him until there was no space left between them. He wanted to tangle his fingers into the silky black strands of hair that looked so soft. All to be able to take a step further and press into him. All to be able to get a taste of him.

The train sounded far away, and Hide slowly pulled back, but kept his face close to Kaneki’s. The light blush on Kaneki’s cheeks couldn’t be explained by the cold weather now, like Kaneki mostly did when Hide pointed it out.

Kaneki stared down and Hide got to see the top of his head instead of the glazy eyes. ‘’Ki…Kichijoji, is it?’’ It came out as a soft whisper. Kaneki still wanted to keep it a secret.

‘’Yup, Kichijoji.’’ Hide played along and came closer, so Kaneki was able to hear what he was saying.

‘’If I can make it…’’

‘’Will you go then?’’

‘’Yes… I’ll go.’’

Hide stepped back and gestured to continue walking. The sun felt soft on his skin. It would only take a little more time, and the sakura trees would bloom. Hide wondered to where the scent of the petals and the feeling of the soft warmth would take him back to. What kind of memories would he make in his last Spring as a high school student?

‘’Well, see you later.’’ Kaneki waved and disappeared through the doors of the school building. Hide stood there outside the gates for a while before he took off, walking home. _See you later, that’s what he always says_ , Hide brought his hands into his jacket’s pockets. He stared at his feet while he walked the familiar road that he had taken every day for some time now.

‘’See you later, he says that now, but…’’ But how many times were they still able to go over this routine? Third year students, examinees, graduates. There was not a lot of time left for them, was there? Because how big of a chance was there that they were still going to meet up after graduation?

‘’What is this?’’ A chuckle filled the silent street. _I’m getting sentimental…_

‘’Must be because the band’s breaking up, huh?’’

_____________

It was Friday evening, and it was dark outside when Kaneki got up from his seat and packed his bag. The lectures had taken more of his time than usual, and there were some nerving minutes where Kaneki was worrying if he could still make it. He didn’t understand it, why he was being so serious about this. Just like Hide had said, it wasn’t a big deal.

Even so, the anxiety and excitement made his heart thump faster. Kaneki didn’t know what he should be expecting, what he was going to see, what was going to come of this night. Since the beginning of their _thing_ , Kaneki experienced a lot of firsts. Right now, he was going to walk foreign paths. It was terrifying, yet kind of endearing enough to want to see what was at the end of the road.

Kaneki made his way to the exit, when he was stopped by someone calling his name. He turned around and saw one of the advisors walking towards him. He greeted her politely. ‘’Kaneki-kun, it’s probably an obvious question, but have your guardians already consented to your choice of school?’’

‘’Oh, yes they did. My father went to the same university as well.’’

‘’If it’s like that, I guess it’s okay then. You know, since it might inconvenience your guardians, because you would have to move out and find your own place.’’ She smiled and waved goodbye. Kaneki returned the polite smile and walked out for real now.

His smile wore of as he came closer to the train station. It was like this, his uncle and aunt couldn’t have cared less about his decisions. It would be even more of an inconvenience if he stayed there. That’s why Kaneki was planning to get as far away as possible. He had chosen that specific university, because it was true what he had said to the woman earlier. His father went to that place, and since he had died when Kaneki was still oblivious to what happened around him, he was thrilled to get to know his father through places where he had spent his life.

The train ride wasn’t that long, but it was long enough for Kaneki to overthink and stress over things that weren’t meant to be stressed over. His heart felt like it was going to burst if he stood still for too long. He had to do something to distract himself. Unfortunately for him, there was only the landscapes passing by at a fast speed to look at and his head full of thoughts.

He could have easily said it, that his family didn’t bother to know his future plans, so it would be okay either way if they would know or not. But the point was, Kaneki felt ashamed about it. About the fact that his family situation wasn’t normal. That it wasn’t the average problem family where he could blame the adults for causing such a fuss. That it was his fault for not being able to fit in, but that he could do nothing about it. He wanted to scream at someone for dragging him into this life, but there wasn’t anyone but himself to beat up for that. Kaneki was ashamed of himself.

The building that held the address on the flyer wasn’t far from the station. It was a little past midnight, so Kaneki still had enough time before Hide would start. He entered the building that looked like nothing more than an average office building, only was it worn off inside. Kaneki climbed the stairs until he reached the seventh floor.

‘’Is this the right place?’’ Kaneki stood in front of the only door that was present on this floor. He heard the soft banging of muted music coming from the other side of the door. Kaneki took one deep breath before opening the door and walking into the room.

His ears pounded immediately after he entered the dark and sweaty room. Everything was screaming at him at the same time. Rays of neon lights mixed with the damp air, which created a foggy atmosphere. People were pressed together, dancing or straight up grinding against each other. And then there was the music of some band that was playing in the back that overpowered all the other sounds. They weren’t even good.

Kaneki didn’t belong here. He felt dizzy and in need for some fresh air, and he would have taken a straight turn back to leave this place if he wasn’t here for Hide. Also, a lady with an eccentric haircut had noticed him and was now shouting at him.

‘’Hey you! Reception’s here!’’

She didn’t seem unfriendly, so Kaneki tried his best to stop trembling and walked up to the small table where the woman was sitting. ‘’Evening!’’ She greeted him, and before Kaneki could say anything back, she continued.

‘’Which band are you here for?’’

‘’Uhh…’’ Kaneki forgot the name, and started to panic. Even with all his efforts, he wouldn’t be permitted to enter and wouldn’t be able to see Hide. Kaneki could already imagine his disappointment, but he would understand. Kaneki did not do much to please Hide in this relationship. He was only holding him back. He was selfish, hopeless, a burden…

‘’Oh, wait.’’ Kaneki remembered the flyer that he had put in his jacket pocket. The name of the band would surely be on it. He took it out and showed it to the lady. ‘’This one, please.’’ He pointed the one out that would play at one, just like Hide had told him. ‘’Okay! Let’s see… that will be 2500 yen. Give me your hand, please.’’ Kaneki took out the money and handed it over the money, and then let his palm fall into hers. She stamped the back with a small logo that he had seen somewhere here in the building.

‘’With this you can walk in and out freely, and here…’’ She gave a small token to him. ‘’For one free drink. Enjoy your night here!’’

Kaneki nodded and walked further into the room. He was a bit overwhelmed by it all. The people around him moving so carefree, taking him in like he was someone familiar. The claustrophobic feeling crept under his skin, but he told himself that he couldn’t go back now. Kaneki had to stand on his toes to be able to look over the crowd, searching for a less dense space to wait. Around the little bar that was set up against one of the walls weren’t a lot of people, so Kaneki made it his mission to get there.

People were so close that Kaneki could still see their heavy make-upped faces, even when it was so dark. The different sweet perfumes and colognes made Kaneki push a little harder to get away. He could never be one of these people.

Finally reaching the bar, Kaneki took some time to examine the band that was playing now. He wasn’t far away from the podium, and he was able to see the faces of the for people. The music wasn’t bad, but not good either. Kaneki asked himself what kind of place would let these kind of mediocre bands play in their club, and what kind of people would enjoy this. When Kaneki looked around, he noticed that everyone was enjoying it. He didn’t understand it.

‘’What do ya want?’’ Kaneki got startled by the sudden shout that came from the bar. He looked to his left and saw a large man that looked as odd as the lady from the reception. He did his best not to be intimidated and give a proper response, but someone came in front of him.

‘’One beer please.’’

‘’Gotcha.’’ It took a moment before Kaneki got a beer pushed into his hands. He didn’t dare to tell the barkeeper that this was for the other person, so he just walked back into the crowd.

It shouldn’t be too long for Hide’s band to start now, and Kaneki tried to get more to the front so he could actually get to see something. It was hard to not spill the beer with all the moving people around him and the paper cup that was already filled to the rim. _Then there’s no other choice but to drink_. He was thirsty too, so it wouldn’t be that much of a problem, right?

Kaneki took one big swig from his cup, immediately regretting it afterwards. Kaneki had never drunk any alcohol before, and the slight burn in his throat surprised him so much that he had to cough. It was bitter.

‘’Ah, y’know, today’s their last show.’’

‘’What? Seriously?!’’

‘’Something about their vocalist quitting…’’

That sounded familiar. Kaneki caught himself trying to listen to the conversation of the girls standing next to him.

‘’But it’s not like the vocalist is that, y’know…’’

‘’Yeah, Yeah! It’s the guitarist that is totally the cool one!’’

_Guitarist?_

‘’What’s his name again?’’

The band finished their last song, took their last applause, and left the stage. Right after that, the new band ran up and began playing. Kaneki’s eyes widened when he looked at the scene before him. He was under hypnoses.

‘’It’s Nagachika Hideyoshi!’’

The music wasn’t that much better than the one from before, but still. The way the members sent sparks of energy to the audience was something Kaneki had never experienced before. It was like he was the only one standing there. Like they were playing his favourite tunes for only him. Kaneki didn’t even like the music, but the only thing he wanted to do now was setting this performance on repeat forever. Maybe it was because of the alcohol finally kicking in, or maybe the lack of oxygen was doing weird things with his brain, or just maybe was it just Hide stealing the spotlight right before his eyes. It was Hide indeed.

Kaneki noticed that his eyes could only follow Hide’s movements through their whole act. He couldn’t even remember the other member’s faces when he got out of his daze after they finished. Kaneki wanted to take a sip from his cup, but saw that he already drank everything.

‘’Jeez, have a little more backbone!’’

Kaneki found himself eavesdropping again. He turned around and saw two girls having a conversation. The smaller one looked flustered. She was probably the one who had no backbone.

‘’It’s their last show, you know!’’ Everyone here seemed to be talking about Hide’s band. It made Kaneki feel a little bit warm inside, but not in a good way. It could also be the alcohol, though.

‘’But I mean… I’ve never talked to them before! I can’t just suddenly-‘’

‘’Look! You won’t be able to see him on stage anymore. I’m not asking you to confess to Hideyoshi-san or somethin’, but at least talk to him! It will be something to remember at least.’’

Hide surely was a popular one. It was understandable. Kaneki was probably not the only one who felt so wicked after watching him. He saw the two girls walking away, and for some reason Kaneki thought it was a good idea to follow the two. He didn’t want them to walk alone. He didn’t want them to see Hide without him. He didn’t want to miss out a word from them to Hide. He didn’t want to misinterpret this situation and feel upset about not knowing the end for the rest of his life.

They went into a narrow hallway that led to the backstage rooms. Kaneki heard loud voices from the room where light came from, including Hide’s. He didn’t go any further, sitting down right around the corner where no one could spot him.

‘’Hideyoshi-san!’’

The talking stopped, everything feeling a little more tense now. I shouldn’t have to be hiding, Kaneki thought. He didn’t even know why he was here, what he was trying to accomplish. So he just listened.

‘’Sorry for intruding, but my friend… come one!’’ The sound of someone being shoved around could be heard through the hallway as well. The stammering of probably the smaller girl followed soon after.

‘’Umm, I-I’ve always followed you, and… and Hi-hideyoshi-san!’’ Kaneki got annoyed by the fact that this girl was also drawn to Hide. He knew it was stupid to think so, that there were probably tons of people liking Hide, but it felt so unfair. He wanted to have that privilege of liking Hide. She should be talking to the other members.

‘’Do… do you have a girlfriend?”

Kaneki gasped. Somewhere, the friend of the girl shouted a name, her name probably. She was as surprised as he was. He waited for Hide’s response.

‘’Girlfriend?’’

‘’Ah, wait! No, I mean… it doesn’t matter really, but…’’

 _Stop this already_.

‘’Can you please… give me your number?’’

_No._

‘’I mean… if it’s okay?’’

 _No. This is not okay._ Kaneki felt his heart thumping in his throat, and he did not like it at all. He wished for Hide to laugh at her, to tell her that she wouldn’t stand a chance, to reject her immediately. It was mean and nothing what the girl deserved, but Kaneki still wished for it to happen. Anything to happen to stop this tight pain. _What is this_?

‘’I won’t send any… strange messages or something. So if it’s not too much of a hassle…’’

_Please Hide. Stop it stop it stopitstop it-_

‘’Oh, sure.’’

 _Ah, it hurts_. Instead of everything boiling inside his throat, now it felt like his heart had sunken down to the bottom of his stomach. He felt sick. It was just too easy to get close to something that he cared so much about. Someone he saw as a treasure could be taken away too easily.

‘’No need to cry. Look, he’s giving his number!’’

‘’Hah, Hide you lady-killer!’’

He had enough of it already. This night should have been excited and terrifying, but he got a mean feeling in his gut instead. It felt like it could kill him.

Kaneki stood up and walked back to the room, to the exit, the stairs, and at last exited the building. His hand let the paper cup slip out of his hand. The streets were filled with night goers who were still looking for a place to give their all. Kaneki didn’t fit in. He never would.

Maybe this was a sign. That Kaneki should have done better in defending his treasure. He should have changed himself into one of these people, so he could fit in. Maybe then, Hide would have rejected the girl, talked proudly about his lover and told her that she did not stand a chance.

Wait, did Hide feel embarrassed because of Kaneki?

 _Ugh, I feel like crying._ Kaneki felt his lips tremble. He lowered his head, so no one could see his pathetic face. He didn’t know where he was going, or where he was. This was a unfamiliar place, far from home.

Everything was so hazy, and Kaneki was not able to think straight. This was dangerous. He bumped into people, go shoved off like old trash, and walked further. The crowd became smaller, and a colder wind began to blow. He shivered, and wrapped his jacket around himself. Or no, it wasn’t him who was shivering, it was his phone going off in his bag.

Kaneki let go of his jacket since that was useless and opened his bag to see who was calling. His hand was vibrating together with his phone, and he stared at Hide’s name being displayed on the screen. He picked up without another thought, as well did he hang up without thinking further after hearing his name from the other side of the line.

His phone went off again, and Kaneki rejected it. After doing so for three times, Kaneki blocked Hide’s number and went on. He looked up and saw that he stood at the foot of a children’s playground. He stumbled further until he lost his footing and fell into a sandbox. Without another care, he turned around and watched the dark sky with half-lidded eyes.

_It hurts._

Kaneki breathed like he was sleeping. Maybe he was and this was all a dream. The stars were shining to bright to be real.

_So I can end this dream… I need to end this. I can end this, I can forget. I can still pretend nothing ever happened._

A small smile showed on his face. This luck was all a dream and this evening had been his sign to wake up. There was no such thing as Hide. He would focus on his entry exams again. He would walk home alone again. Everything would be normal again.

‘’Fuck, I’m drunk.’’

He groaned when he heard his phone again. He picked up and listened to someone panting into the microphone.

‘’H’lo…?’’

‘’Where are you?!’’

Kaneki looked around, having to take in his surroundings again before he could answer. He was already starting to forget. Good.

‘’In some… some park’s, ehh, park’s sand… box.’’

Kaneki didn’t know how much time had passed when he suddenly heard someone storming towards him. He had a vague feeling of falling into the ground by being crushed by… a tree or something?

Only wasn’t he falling into the ground, he was still lying on the uneven ground of the soft white sand. There wasn’t a tree falling on him either, because most trees didn’t have arms and hands that could embrace him in a tackle.

He looked up to see his attacker, and was met by messy blonde hairdo that could be identified as Nagachika Hideyoshi. Kaneki didn’t know what to do in this situation. Hide was strangling him, his face against his stomach. Kaneki softly put a hand on Hide’s shoulder, making sure that Hide would look at him.

When he got Hide attention, he tried to get rid of the arms that were wrapped around his neck.

‘’Leggo.’’

‘’No way’’

Kaneki didn’t remember why he was telling himself that he should be annoyed with this guy. Maybe it was just a wonted feeling that he was always feeling on a low-key level when he was with Hide. Low-key annoyance. He sighed.

‘’Let…’’

Hide’s hand grabbed his hair and pushed Kaneki towards him. Their lips met, but this wasn’t like all those other times this had happened. Kaneki’s eyes widened and he felt himself warming up when Hide started groping his hair and clothes, his mouth moving against his own. Kaneki almost wanted to push away when he felt a soft throb of the other’s tongue. He almost wanted to, but he didn’t. He even opened up for Hide and let him go further.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was worrying about biting Hide’s tongue and hurting him. He slowly got pushed down, needing to lean on his elbows to not completely be knocked down. Good, now the problem of what to do with his hands was gone.

He stiffened while Hide’s tongue moved into his mouth, stroking his own tongue. He felt Hide caressing his hair, as if he tried to comfort him. Doing his hardest best to calm down and to just go for it, Kaneki closed his eyes and moved his tongue against Hide’s.

Everything felt so warm and light, and Kaneki thought he was suffocating. Hide was so good, and he was so bad in everything. He couldn’t handle anything, but wanted everything.

His sighs felt broken, and Hide drew back. Kaneki couldn’t cooperate with this fast change. He wanted Hide to stay and explore more of his insights. He yearned for more. So the first thing he could think of was biting down. Kaneki startled himself, only taking a bit of Hide lower lip between his teeth. It must have been the right thing to do, because Hide groaned in response and looked at Kaneki when he was let go. He wasn’t sure about it, didn’t even dare to think about it, but he thought he saw a tiny spark of lust crossing Hide’s eyes. It excited him. It terrified him. Just like he had wanted this evening.

Hide’s forehead touched his own, and Hide took his waist to draw him into his lap. ‘’Was I cool on the stage?’’ Oh yeah, he was supposed to be mad at him.

‘’I dunno.’’

Kaneki looked away, frowning. ‘’Well, aren’t you a popular one Hide.’’ The other huffed out a laugh, like he was denying the fact that he stood out. ‘’What? Me?’’ Hide held him tighter, probing his nose against Kaneki’s to get him to look at him.

‘’Kaneki, you have drunk enough.’’

‘’I… didn’t.’’

‘’So, was I cool?’’

‘’I don’t know, Hide.’’ This guy was way too pushy for Kaneki’s liking, and his ‘acting like he was annoyed’ changed into really being annoyed.

It was probably the alcohol, making him lose all control, doing things without thinking, but Kaneki gave in for now.

‘’Hide, do you… enjoy being with me?’’

Hide gave him a worried look, but didn’t say anything. Kaneki interpreted it as an indication to continue.

‘’’Making yourself hang out with someone who’s glum, a total grind, a nerd…’’ It still hurt, but Kaneki wanted to be over with it already. He wanted to know the truth.

‘’A _guy_.’’

If he were a pretty girl, Kaneki was sure that Hide would be talking with pride about him. He wouldn’t be hiding the fact that he was taken. Now, it was only inconvenient to tell people. They would start asking questions.

‘’W-why would you choose someone like-‘’

‘’Kaneki, stop it. I’m gonna be mad.’’

That shocked him. He never intended to upset Hide, he only wanted answers. Was this all really going to end here?

The arms around him tightened again, shaking him a little bit more than softly. ‘’Shh, Kaneki! I’m not mad, not mad.’’ Kaneki relaxed again in his embrace. He heard Hide sigh in relief. ‘’Not mad, but…’’ The other let his head fall onto Kaneki’s shoulder, crossing his arms on his back.

‘’Damn it.’’ Confusion welled up when Hide started murmuring curses. The groan of frustration at the end surprised him a little.

‘’Ahh, I don’t have a _fucking_ clue what you’re saying! Why are you going on about such stupid things? You _idiot_!’’

‘’You know,’’ Hide poked Kaneki’s forehead, looking with the same frustration that his voice held. ‘’You study too much! You never get out.’’

‘’I was super worried ‘cause I thought it was all over! Why do you always assume the worst of everything before it happens? Why do you come up with all these negative thoughts all by yourself?!’’

Kaneki let him rage. It made him warm inside, but this time in a good way. That he got to know how worried Hide was and that everything he had been thinking these hours are bullshit, it made him feel lighter.

‘’…I almost got a heart attack, yah know?! You blocking my calls like that, I seriously thought I was gonna die! What were you thinking? Shit, you idiot…’’

He looked up at the stars. They were still shining brightly, even though this wasn’t a dream.

‘’Please stop calling me idiot, Hide.’’

‘’Then, number one.’’

Kaneki stared at Hide. He didn’t understand what he was saying. The hardness left Hide’s face, only affection being left.

‘’Kaneki, you’re my number one.’’

The warmth began to boil to an uncomfortable temperature, red spreading over his face. ‘’W-what are you saying? You… you stupid popular guy.’’ He gave it his all to hit Hide, but only accomplished to give a soft stump. Hide laughed, and rocked Kaneki.

‘’’Neki, you’re drunk man.’’

‘’Am not.’’

Hide stopped rocking him, uncrossing his arms on his back, instead gliding them down to the edge of his pants. He dove both of his hands down to untuck Kaneki’s shirt, and he gasped when he felt the warm hands moving under his shirt.

‘’Hide…’’

‘’This is a punishment.’’ Hide’s grin could be heard in his words. He went higher until he reached his shoulder blades, moving under them and caressing the skin around them. Kaneki’s heart had found his throat again.

‘’I’m only touching your back, so don’t worry.’’

 _Even if it’s only my back_ , Kaneki still felt like he was going to die. He grasped Hide’s jacket and screwed his eyes shut. He felt so vulnerable, but he wanted more.

‘’Such a nice spine.’’ Hide muttered some praises that made no sense to him. ‘’It stands out really nicely. I can count all the knobs.’’ He began to count, tracing his fingers higher up his spine. When he was under the shoulder blades again, he spread his fingers over Kaneki’s rips, causing Kaneki to whimper.

‘’Hide, you can’t… It…’’

‘’It tickles?’’

Kaneki nodded, opening his eyes a little. He pressed his face into Hide’s shoulder. He wore his own natural scent, which was muted by the musky smell from the club.

‘’Is that so, huh?’’ Hide’s fingers kept creeping around his sides further, not only touching his back anymore. ‘’You’re sure it only tickles and nothing more?’’

Then Hide stroked Kaneki’s chest, his rough fingers touching his nipple while he was at it.

‘’Ah-‘’

Kaneki quickly shoved his hands on his mouth to stifle the moan, but he was too late. How embarrassing it was.

‘’I recorded that.’’

‘’Huh?’’

Hide looked with dazed eyes to him. ‘’I’ve recorded it in my heart, so I can play it back whenever I want.’’ Kaneki took Hide’s hands and pushed them from him. ‘’Are you an idiot?!’’

Hide grinned. ‘’Ah, Something good came from today.’’ Kaneki pushed him to the ground, throwing his fists at him. Hide could only laugh.

‘’Anyway, didn’t you say you’d only touch my back?’’

He was helped by Hide to get off the ground. Kaneki dusted off his clothes and grabbed onto Hide. He didn’t want to admit it, but he really needed some support right now.

‘’Ah, my hand slipped.’’

‘’Ugh, you’re really…’’

_Number one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to kiss too

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is something else I wanted to start on, even though I've other stories to finish haha...
> 
> This story is based on one of my favourite mangas and movies, Doukyuusei (Classmates) by Nakamura Asumiko. I really recommend it, and I think it's way too underrated. I thought that this kind of story fit these boys. I will be leaving some things out of the original story, and add some things from the Tokyo ghoul story, but I'll see how it goes. 
> 
> Ciao!
> 
> Check out my Tumblr: Nitsuki-baka.


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